Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We need to rekindle our bromance
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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