I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
