I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
