Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
