and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That accounts for only three of the penises
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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