I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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