Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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