Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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