Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
