Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I will die if light touches me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
