You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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