I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
