what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
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I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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