If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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