Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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