based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
