dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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