hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize