im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
