one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
