she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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