Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
