You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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