I am spending my child support on dildos
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
