I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize