I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize