He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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