OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
