I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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