ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
