you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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