So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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