I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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