I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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