I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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