I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Randomize
