She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
