I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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