We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
