Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
