I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
