is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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