I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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