It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
