nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
