i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
