Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
