it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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