I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
