I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
