Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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