apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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