Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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