Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
