Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
