you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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