Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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