I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
