A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize