thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
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I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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