I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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