I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
