Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
FUCK WHALES
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize