Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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